I used to be a disciplined person. Really. But I’ve been in party mode since early December, and I don’t know if you’ve looked at a calendar lately, but we’re now more than halfway through January. Meaning my “I owe myself a celebration/frolicfest/slack day, because I worked hard last semester, and it’s the holidays!” excuse is long past its use-by date.
This morning, between bouts of self-loathing, I’m thinking about reader Destiny Kinal’s ass-kicking from last week. Specifically these words:
What have you sacrificed to write? What DIDN'T happen? What do you owe and to whom for the privilege or writing seriously? A child you didn’t have, a career you forfeited, time with a beloved?
Despite the persistence of the Having It All myth, it just isn’t possible. I don’t get to party all the time (unless I looked as good as this) and still expect to get the book written, much less have it be any good. Because good work requires sacrifice, and frankly, all I’ve been sacrificing lately are brain cells.
Since I’m all about the baby step I’ve decided to make small sacrifices first, so I actually have a chance for success. Here are two changes I’m making, starting now:
- No movies or reading until I’ve done my work for the day. No more “just this once” bullshit. Writing first, entertainment second.
- No more going out during the week; save socializing for the weekend. I’ve got to tone down the partying in general, so no more late nights. Period. Sleep and a clear head are critical for the work I’m trying to do. And I can’t worry about what I’m missing – my friends will still be there on the weekend.
That’s it for the moment. Nothing huge, nothing ultra-taxing, though I think those two changes will go a long way in getting me back on track.
What about you? Is there something you should give up?
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16 comments:
I'm the world's greatest procrastinator, so I have no right to give advice here.
I'd like to thank you, though, for getting that darn song stuck in my head just before I leave on a two-hour drive. Grr!
I need to give up so-called friendships that are in fact just acquaintances that don't feed my soul. I feel *obligated* to have lunch or coffee here and there and it eats up writing time -- but I don't get anything from these relationships. THis is a longstanding issue! Also, I need to give up the idea that I must have a clean house to write. Dust bunnies DO NOT REALLY SPEAK to me.
Mandy
I should have read your blog before I wrote the e-mail. Looks like you are doing a good job of scolding yourself, didn't need it from mom.
Time is in many ways an element of the distraction we are calling procrastination.
In the self serving subconscious we attack what we believe is a writers block a mental block, something we must get over or get past.
Time again, with the mental block is only judged if an amount of which goes by that seems to undo our persona.
Your statement in surmise 'early December to now,' leads me to believe you have been frolicking, you have had time to subconsciously recharge your personna.
I'd like to do the math 30 Days off following a good semester, you say you deserved it, I daresay you wish you had the frolicking and the thirty days back again. If after a night of frolicking your not able catalogue, note take or advance your subconscience into overtaking a mental block, then the distraction of frolicking wasn't productive. I commented on reading fairy tales and then I withdrew them. I was trying to understand the pitfall of life or the hurdle you encountered while writing the one section you won't go back to looking at until you rewrite.
I'm trying to understand your wording the Ghost or the Ship, usually your headings are dead reckonings to use a boating term. Help me out is, you might miss the boat, or ships passing in the night or Ghosts in my closet. Then I think I just learned your mom's name is Jane.
In answer to your question, Is there something you should give up?
Answer: Yes, Sorbitol, I found it is a very strong Laxative and many Sugarless Gums carry in just one stick almost half a dose, meaning two sticks, well don't even chew a third.
I gave up drinking and picked up my belief again in the writers of the school of New Thought from the late 1800's, specifically William Walker Atkinson, whose pen names were Yogi Ramacharaka and Thuron Dumont, among others. I ask myself does this make him a conman, or a manipulator of the publishing industry to make a buck.
Write you fool, its what you love, why do anything else right now, the rewards are greater and the bounty more plentiful when your are devouring your subconcious.
Thats Life on the surface to you flattop.
Deborah - Better that song than "My Baby Takes the Morning Train." Because that would just be cruel if I were to plant that one in your brain.
Mandy - I totally agree about letting go of flimsy friendships. There's not enough time to keep those going, along with the ones that really matter. And what do you mean about the dust bunnies? Because if it's not them talking to me then there's a very chatty monster under the bed, and that's much worse.
Janet/Mom - We Kahlers know how to scold!
Tusk - By "The Ghost or The Ship" I meant things that aren't an option to give up. And thanks for the advice: "Write, you fool." Just what I needed to hear.
I need to give up time wasted in self loathing! Been so pissed at myself for sacrificing things for my art form (radio or acting) and not working hard on said art form... simply frittering about... poking at it... so consider this ass kicked, too. MISS YOU!!
Thank you Deonne for explaining the Ghost or the ship. To give up the ghost or give up the ship. I get it now. Sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees.
Sincerely,
Rob Toscano
Viv - Just say no to frittering! I will if you will. (Miss you, too.)
Rob - No problem. We're awash in metaphor!
Huh. Maybe I missed the boat (yuk), but it does seem interesting that you're wildly procrastinating right about now. I mean, you just told us all that you're about to revisit maybe the toughest event in your life in your memoir... Jesus, girl, get out there and party like it's 1999! (Oh, right, the stuck song problem. Sorry.) Seriously, don't ding yourself for protecting yourself. Just maybe think about ways that don't involve waking up with a dry mouth and unexpected charges on your credit card bill.
Summer - As always, thanks for the sage advice. You're a good friend.
Today I'm digging back into the memoir and will plow through, even if the writing is uninspired. (Or overloaded with farm metaphors.)
Just read this blog entry, and it is SO timely! I am finally (after a couple of weeks of good, strong procrastination) sitting down to re-work a short story...and I did about one page, and then got up to have a smoke, and then thought, Gee, maybe I should watch a movie. Or blog. Or eat another Skinny Cow ice cream bar. (Which rather defeats the purpose of said Skinny Cows, since if you eat a whole box of them, you might as well have a Fat Cow.)
That question is going up on my bulletin board: What do I sacrifice for my writing? Thanks, Deonne.
Michelle - I'm still thinking about the question, because when the the semester starts next week, I'm not going to see anyone but colleagues, classmates, and students until June. I hope my friends will forgive my four-month hibernation.
"Feed the hunger/starve the emptiness." -The Indigo Girls (or one of 'em, at least.)
Thinking about real nourishment (intellectual and emotional) vs. empty calories.
Everyone's real nourishment/empty calories equation is different. What's yours?
Also: for those who'd like to gorge on empty-calorie tech talk for a minute: isn't there a way to get email when someone replies to a thread that you've replied to on a blog?
Barb - I had Funyuns the other day and they weren't nearly as satisfying as I remember. Is that what you mean?
Ha.
Your question is spot on. It becomes a sort of desert island exercise: What are the bare bones items/people/experiences you need to survive, and thrive? Then the next question becomes, Why are you spending time on anything but those things?
Re: your tech question. If you comment using a google account, you can check a box noting that you want emailed follow-up comments. It looks like you sign in under your name, so maybe that isn't an option in that case?
Deonne,
Thanks for the tech advice.
And about the empty calories/real nourishment: there's something to be said for some Funyuns every once in a while. Cops. Judge Judy. (I am facinated by the facility and propensity of human beings to lie when cornered. I eagerly await the day someone on Judge Judy says: "Yeah, I did do that. It was small of me. Immature. And illegal. I apologize.)
I totally agree about needing to eat some Funyuns (real or metaphorical) once in awhile. I'm not one of those "Oh, I only watch PBS and read The Economist" people, and believe in the power of mindless entertainment to give the brain a break.
Regarding lying, I just started reading Charles Baxter's Burning Down the House. He wrote a fascinating essay about the influence of our leaders' prevarication (starting with Nixon) on literary fiction. Baxter doesn't mention Judge Judy's show, but he may as well have.
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